Ah, waiting secretly for your knight in shining armour to whisk you off your feet so you can live happily ever after? Or for a wonderful woman to lift off your depression and sense of aimlessness? Although we laugh at such ridiculous fantasies as the stuff of naive, lovesick teenagers, we all must face the deep temptation within ourselves to ask our partner to fulfil all of our needs.
Most of us are not conscious of this tendency which propels us to seek out our soul mate, someone to complete us and make us whole. The stark truth is that nothing outside of ourselves will ever fill that hollow place within us, not money, not cars nor beautiful homes nor relaxing vacations. Nothing outside of ourselves can complete us.
Depending on someone else to complete or make you happy just doesn’t work.
When someone puts unrealistic demands on us, even if we love them and desperately want to fill their emptiness we will always fail. A natural instinct of survival is to pull back. If we force ourselves to comply, we become suffering victims, scapegoats, resentful and bitter.
You cannot save anybody who passively expects you to fulfil the role of saviour. Period. The most loving thing is an AA kind of response to addictive behaviour and let them fall down. Then, there is hope that they will face themselves, take themselves on and begin that inner journey.
I will leave you with this image. One partner is at the bottom of a well, sitting passively. The other partner is leaning down the well as far as they can, dangling a rope in front of their beloved. Only problem is that this particular loved one has vaseline on their hands.