Nature Not Nurture. Trust Me.


This picture is a great symbol for how I very often feel as I watch my offspring. Sometimes I think, “Are you really my kid?Where did that talent, personality or characteristic come from?” All my children have the same parents and  have lived in the same environment but each child inherited not only different physical genes but different character traits as well.This gene pool is larger than I ever dreamed  it could be.The differences between my offspring are mind boggling. Actually the truth is that every person is completely different. My two oldest children are dramatic examples.

My first child, Matthew, was  and still is serious and contemplative. At eleven or twelve months, he would sit and slowly place household objects in a plastic jug after observing each object careful. He would then dump them out and start all over again, all in silence.When Matthew was only four, Michael taught him how to play checkers. Both men would sit in silence, contemplating each move.

When my second child, Melissa, was born everything we thought we knew about child development exploded. Where Matthew was cautious, she was daring.  She was only nine or ten months old, when I walked into the kitchen and found her sitting on the fridge! I froze in shock and yelled for her father to come witness this event.

Michael, my husband, had decided that by four, a child was ready to play checkers. Since Matthew picked the game up so quickly, he figured all kids would follow suit. After only ten minutes of playing with his daughter, he was becoming frustrated;  Melissa was standing up, hopping from foot to foot and jumping checkers backwards and forwards, skipping two, three, four squares at a time.

Finally I intervened and said, “Honey, I don’t think Melissa is going to play checkers like Matthew; you’re just going to have to let go and go with the flow.” Although he managed to survive that first checker game with his daughter, Michael didn’t play checkers with Melissa for another few years.

Melissa? She was happy doing her own thing and glad to leave that particular boring activity to the males in the family.

Every child is unique. I originally believed that everything could be explained in my dog-eared book on child development. My children soon shattered that myth. Of course, general guide lines hold true but ultimately it is up to the parents to intuitively and tentatively discover which approach clicks with each little person.

I just remembered another story. Melissa was about fifteen or sixteen months old gleefully picking up worms as we dug up the garden. Matthew at three and a half, acting on some deep macho instinct, forced himself to pick up worms too.

Melissa had a peaceful sleep that night.

Matt? He woke up screaming with visions of worms dancing in his head.

( We took this picture of our cat who nursed three baby rabbits together with her kitten love the questioning, perturbed expression on here face.)

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