The Dog ate The Turkey, The Raccoons Blew The Transformer, The Calf Broke The Fence,….

Every single time Michael attends a conference or leaves for a long weekend,something   goes wrong at our house. Just two months ago, he was gone for two weeks and a total of ten accidents and catastrophes occurred. All my kids are well aware of this pattern of disasters. As I complained dramatically to a friend, one afternoon, disbelief flashed across her face. Katie, Rachel and Lucy all chimed in,

“No ,really; it is true.”

Part of the disaster list from his last absence is as follows:

1.A repairman red tagged our fuel tank which meant the heating company cancelled oil deliveries until we replaced the tank and this was January. We turned the heat to a very low setting and heated the house mainly with  the wood stove waiting for my hsband

2.Our doggy beast broke the seal on the fridge

3.The palm sander died . I was refinishing the old pine floors with it the slow way.

4. A friend accidentally damaged the 100-year-old stained glass in the front door by pushing the door with his shoulder.It took Michael three days to restore it.

5. 20 cm. of snow fell and my husband is the only one who can drive the tractor which plows our long lane and  a couple of our neighbour’s lanes as well.

6.A chair that needed to be glued, fell apart as a visitor sat on it.

There is further evidence from over the years to back our claim that somehow the universe knows that my husband has left the property. This is a shortened version of our catastrophe list which we attribute to Micheal’s twice yearly departures.

A.Wolf,  a dog we  were dog sitting, ate one of our turkeys, appalling  the suburban  kids who were tenting at our place.

B. The calf escaped to the far field; the kids and I ran through knee-high drifts  of snow for over an hour using a bucket of grain as bait.

C.The squirrels moved in and ate all the bird seed.

D.The horse broke out, crossed the road and had all of us running or pedalling bikes as we tried to corner him in a huge field.It took a long time to get a rope attached to his bridle.

E. The basement flooded.

F.Our wonderful guard dog chased three raccoons up a hydro pole and one blew the transformer  as he attempted to climb down. He  died as a result. The electrical crew , who had arrived in a huge cherry picker truck, argued whether they really wanted to go up there and rescue the wild raccoons.

” Do you want to go up there George?”

“Who me? No way. Why don’t you do it Harry?”

“No way”

They turned to me and stated,

“Tell you what . We’ll turn your power on and just come back tomorrow after they blow the transformer again.”

David decided to simply open his upstairs window, point a gun out it and take the raccoons out of their misery. The power stayed on.

This pattern has been repeated countless times and is a source of great amusement as we look back. However each time it actually took place,we were all lamenting Dad’s absence and praying for his return before anything else could go wrong.


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