HOW DO YOU RESPOND TO NEGATIVE FEEDBACK?


educatedancientwoman2

 One simple but strong word springs to mind

as a response to this question: I DON’T.

 I have finally become smart enough to understand that the best response to angry comments is silence.

Why?

I can repeat or clarify a misunderstanding. I can attempt to reconcile opposing viewpoints but usually someone who is closed to any other opinion is the person to write a negative response. If they refuse to engage in positive dialogue, I don’t bother bashing my head against the wall.

Often an angry person wants to engage in a verbal fight. In fact he is purposefully antagonizing me. After living with teenagers, my husband and I quickly learned how to diffuse angry confrontations because they were unproductive. Angry feedback always reminds me of teenage outbursts. Here is a typical encounter at our house a few years ago.

One of my sons , in his early teens, had just announced that he could not stand living under our roof another minute,

“I’m out of here!”, he bellowed, “and don’t expect me to come back!”

The door slammed and he tore off on his ten speed bike. Of course my father was visiting and witnessed this dramatic episode. After a few minutes, my dad turned to my husband and wondered,

”Aren’t you going to go after him?”

Michael calmly kept reading, then looked up and explained,
“Oh, I’m not worried. The only place near enough to bike to is one of his buddies houses and they don’t feed kids over there. He’ll be back when he is hungry enough.”

No need to over-react. No need to lecture or argue. Just let nature take its course.

Most importantly. Do not take angry reactions personally. I would be in a mental health hospital if I took to heart every insult my teenagers hurled at meMost negative feedback says more about the person commenting and his own emotions and reactions than it does about me or my opinions.

I ask myself, “Why is the respondent angry?”

He is not really critiquing my writing style, content or conclusions, especially if a vehement response attacks me the writer. That is just the release valve which is handy at the moment. My words triggered a dramatic attack because the commentator has issues. Issues that lay buried until some unsuspecting scapegoat like me pushes his buttons. I refuse to play those games.

Silence is often a better teacher than any ‘wisdom’ I could spout.

 

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18 thoughts on “HOW DO YOU RESPOND TO NEGATIVE FEEDBACK?

  1. I’d heard this from more than one author. Don’t respond – it’s not worth it. What it means, if you want to look at it positively, is you’re on the map.

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  2. It is a compliment to the writer, you cannot please everyone but if you rub a few feathers the wrong way thats okay too it means you have something worth writing about and people getting feral just means you are reaching more people…and hitting a nerve. Well done! And I love how you handle the response.

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  3. I don’t take them personally, each one of us entitled to their own opinion. If they get abusive or rude – it’s bye- bye from me. As you have said don’t push buttons – or allow yours to be pushed. 🙂

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  4. That is my reaction to negative comments, too. I don’t remember who said it, but it goes something like this:” Keep your mouth shut and people will wonder if you are a fool; open your mouth and erase all doubt”

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  5. Melonie, this is so timely!! Thank you for your excelllent advice. It is our human nature to want to defend ourselves, but you are so right, “Don’t!” As for the saying MissesC quotes, that saying has been used often and was quoted by Abraham Lincoln, but it originally comes from the Bible, Provers 17: 28 “Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tounges.”

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