Shattered and Renewed


71_Moser_Mausefalle_DI often wondered what my life would have been like if I had not suffered.

I once asked a priest what my life would have been like if I had not suffered, if I had married a well-off dentist, had 1.25 kids and lived in an efficient, modern house. He put on a phony, pious face, with his hands together in prayer and said in a high, mocking voice,

‘Oh, you would be a nice Christian lady, praising the Lord.’

What he meant by that amusing bit of acting was that I would be shallow, without depth and strength.

If this is the situation, I say bring on suffering because I want, no I need to live in reality. I refuse to simply play games during my time on earth. I can think of no greater tragedy than to die and discover that I had deluded myself, simply living happily on the surface, eating, drinking, doing chores, sleeping yet missing out on the core reality of what it means to be fully alive, fully human, in relationship to other people and to God.

I was just thinking that I had not shared about my pain,the struggle to raise nine kids, with little money on a hobby farm. I only really write about the joy of mothering. I friend also pointed out to me the other day that I never really talk about the long, dark periods in my life. I guess it is because joy always triumphs in the end in my life, I tend to forget about the painful years. The love of little people, strong tea and laughter in the midst of chaos seems to crack anxiety and stress but yes, I have been shattered by the demands of mothering .

Yet those moments when I am shattered to crack my heart and soul open to healing. It is like childbirth, the pain is forgotten when I hold my newborn but on the other hand if there is no pain, there is no baby or new growth. I realize that each difficult stage in mothering is normal, not a big deal because all mothers go through similar experiences. So I am not going through a dramatic or unusual crisis. I can see each difficult stage as a call to change and grow by going deeper, accessing inner, spiritual strength

Friedrich-Von-Amerling-Mother-And-Children-S

I'm part of Post A Day 2014

Advertisements

10 thoughts on “Shattered and Renewed

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s